After reading about one mom’s “no nag challenge” two weeks ago, I was adamant about trying the Nagging Detox Challenge (trademark pending) on my own kid. The challenge only had two rules:

1. Tell the kid to do or not do something only ONCE.
2. Let the kid know the consequence(s) for not following through.

How hard can this be, right?!

Of course, the first day of the “no nag” challenge was my best effort because I was super motivated to stick with the plan.  As usual, my dear daughter (aka D) went about her morning doing anything and everything to avoid going to school. I did my best to contain the raging fire within me while telling my husband that I would stick to the plan, even if it killed me (I think writers call this foreshadowing).

At 7:30 a.m., I told D we are going to be in the car by 8:30 a.m., and if she was late, she would have to bear the consequences. I gave her a few options to choose from – no treat after dinner, no screen time, or no early pick up to go to the park afterwards. She chose no treat after dinner. Easy peasy.

By 8:00 a.m., I noticed D was fooling around and not eating her breakfast, so I casually and calmly told her I was done with breakfast and would get ready to change and head out. She clearly sensed I was in Serious Mom Mode© and meant business because she immediately inhaled her pancakes and ran to change her clothes. Before (before!) 8:30 a.m., she was already at the garage waiting. “WHOA,” I thought. “I’m, like, really good at this.” 

But as the week went by and the early shine of the challenge began to wear off, I found it harder and harder to commit and stay on track, especially if I was tired. On one particular night, I slept horribly due to a caffeine overdose from that morning, and the next day was filled with back-to-back work meetings. Needless to say, I just couldn’t get myself to maintain the patience and level-headedness I had during my Serious Mom Mode©  (I know, I know… all excuses…).  Next thing you know, I went right back to my default nagging habit.  

Me: D, we have to shower. 

D: Can I have one more episode of Gabby’s Dollhouse? (Please sponsor us, Netflix.) 

Me: Fine, one more episode, then go straight to shower (because let’s be honest, I wanted to just be on the sofa and doom scroll).

[One episode later…]

Me: Okay, time to shower. 

[D in zombie mode, glued to the TV, mindlessly watching the ending credits…remember that scene in Poltergeist?]

D: Can I have one more episode?

Me: NO, we shower NOW! Let’s go. NOW!

D: I don’t want to…

Me: SHOWER NOW! Come on, let’s go!

D: Why do I have to shower?

Me: You are smelly. Let’s go! 

D: Okay, okay, okay. Stop telling me what to do! 

I don’t know if it was my last shred of self control or my ancestors holding me back, but just as I was about to blow up at D, I stopped myself and simply surrendered to the conclusion that the night was going to end up like every other night at our house – and of course, it did.  D didn’t go to bed until way past her bedtime, and I ended up staying up past midnight, struggling to wrap up my work and house chores. 

I knew I had fallen back into that vicious, inconducive, nagging pattern that only escalated D’s tantrums and unwillingness to listen. But what was I going to do about it?

The following week, I was chit-chatting with my husband and recounting how I had epically failed the two-week (how is that even possible??) nagging detox challenge. I knew a big part of the issue was my inconsistency. I was struggling to find the right balance between keeping my cool with D and following through with the consequences I gave her, not to mention the other work-house-Girl Scouts-t-ball-karate-family responsibilities on my plate.

Don’t get me wrong – when things are going well, the “no-nag” method really does work. On the days when I am well-rested, hydrated, moisturized, and not stressed from work, I can tough out the tantrums and defiance and stick with the consequences. But on other days, something about D’s expressions just get to me, and I get soft-hearted and let things slide. And on other days, I have my husband play the good cop and “overrule” me so it doesn’t seem like I’m the one who didn’t follow through (he knows what he signed up for when he married me).

I know this probably is not the right parenting method or thing to do, but honestly, what is the right way of parenting (more on this in a future post… stay tuned!)? Besides, this blog isn’t called Parenting Well.   

Ultimately, despite my inconsistent implementation, I really do think the no-nag challenge is helpful and effective, as long as you can try (to the best of your ability…) to keep a level-head – because it’s expected that the kids won’t always comply easily, especially in the beginning. Not only that, D is only four-years old, and toddlers don’t exactly have the attention spans or fully developed prefrontal cortexes to really understand consequences – plus she’s got a mother who is struggling to just stay afloat with family, work, and life. At the end of the day, what’s keeping me going with the challenge is the hope for D to become a self-sufficient, self-reliant, and punctual person, and I know nagging won’t help me get her there. And there were small successes during the sporadic times I did commit to the challenge, and I felt truly liberated in those moments.

So, my take is – give it a try!  Even if it’s just for one week, one day, one time…it’s a start. 

We’d love to hear your thoughts about the challenge, or if you’ve tried it, what were your experiences and feelings – liberated, overrated, or completely useless? Share in the comments! 

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P.S. Wikipedia is so useless.